Sunday, January 1, 2012

based on a true story: part I: the cleaning lady

So last weekend was Christmas. I spent some time in the Lansing area and would like to highlight a few memorious moments. Names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved.

A few days before Christmas I was contracted by my mom's friend Sandra to clean her house. Her daughter Roshanda and I went out the night before and I was so tired the next day from the lack of sleep that I had to take a nap on the side of the road. But that's beside the point. But what is not beside the point is that they called me while I was napping and they were driving on the same road as me and only a couple of miles ahead. So they pulled over and Roshanda drove me to their house while I gave her a lesson in how to drive a manual shift car and played LMFAO as loud as possible. I didn't get the hint that she had a headache when she said, "Aren't you hungover? Don't you have a headache?" I just said, "Oh, no, I'm just severely nautious."

Here is some dialogue from cleaning day:

Me: "Oh hi Frank, you are a lot cuter than the last time I saw you when you were 8." (to Roshanda's brother who I babysat a few times)

Me: "Where are those cookies you were talking about?"

Sandra: "They are in the pantry, help yourself."

Me: "Do they have butter?"

Sandra: "Nope!"

Me: "Perfect. Do you have any toast?"

20 minutes later doubled over the kitchen counter...

Me: "So, I think I'll start with the bathrooms."

Roshanda: "It would be nice if you just started."


Frank: "So how rich are you guys that you can afford a white cleaning lady?"

Sandra: "Ok we're going to go out to dinner, we'll be back in a little while."

Frank: "Where should I put the nanny camera?"

They all returned a little while later and found me sleeping on the couch.

I allegedly missed some dust under the television.

Sandra threw some money at me and I put it in my pocket.

Sandra: "Just like a good hooker!"

The end.

1 comment:

  1. seriously? roshanda and frank? how do you come up with this?