Sunday, September 25, 2011

polar opposites... anniversaries

So this whole non-work situation and the fact that it is September, have put me in quite a reflective state.

During my 31 years of life I have discovered that life is confusing, strange, terrible and wonderful... among many other adjectives.

September is a weird month for me.  It's wrought with bittersweet anniversaries.  September always seems to approach and I inevitably ask myself if I'll ever forget that damn date and just simply let September pass as if it were May or July or some other ordinary month.  Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me for not forgetting.

But today I realized that sometimes even downright bad anniversaries can be remembered with sweetness.  Four years ago today I found out that some people I trusted and loved very much, had done some terribly hurtful things.  My heart was ripped into a million pieces in a matter of seconds.  

In the days, weeks, months and years to come, the amount of love that I received from the people in my life was a thousand times more than the amount of hatred and lack of love that was displayed in the actions of those "friends."  

I did not deserve their betrayal.

But I also have done nothing to deserve your love.

I never. ever. ever. want to feel that way again but at the same time, I'd give anything to go back to some of those moments where many of you extended your love in ways that I will cherish forever.

It's as if god saw what was happening and pained by the evil that had overwhelmed me, he decided to overwhelm me with love.

I can't figure out any other way to explain it.

With that said I want to thank you.  

Thank you for feeding me, clothing me, giving me a place to sleep, watching me, singing to me, sitting with me, listening, crying with me, embracing me, praying for me and never leaving my side.  Thank you for waking up in the middle of the night and giving me something for my splitting headache.  Thank you for the Ambien.  Thank you for the wine.  Thank you for your children.  Thank you for your patience and faithfulness.        

I do not deserve you.  I love you and hope that I can in some way reciprocate the love that you have given so generously to me.



 a spirit of heaviness

is. 61:3

I am grateful for the exchange.

And one of the reasons I like photos like this and seeing this happen in nature is because it reminds me of what can come from seemingly hopeless situations.

And it's also one of the many reasons I love my friend Alynn Guerra's artwork.


  1. I really like this post. I hope that I too can someday look at my bad anniversaries with sweetness...

  2. te amo chela loca, quisiera poder darte un abrazote y un besote... mientras nos volvamos a ver recibí mi amor electrónico ;-)

  3. I love this post. Thanks for sharing such a beautiful perspective :)

  4. Thanks everyone for reading. Sometimes I wonder if what I write is too personal and think maybe I should tuck my words away in a journal that no one will read. At the same time though I am compelled to share my thoughts with hopes that my experiences will in some way speak to those around me, providing a little bit of encouragement and hope. I think I also share for selfish reasons with hopes that people will better understand me, because I so often find it difficult to say these things out loud.

  5. Did you take the Ambien and wine at the same time?
    I want to meet that friend or do I already know her?!!!!

  6. I cannot disclose this information Sally.