Wednesday, April 27, 2011

bad days and bad animals

i had a rotten day

luckily i found some puke buckets (see yesterday's post)

i have good friends

you may disagree if you know what happened today, but when i got home and saw that some dirty rotten nasty animal had dug little holes in my flower pots on the porch that i planted a couple of days ago



and concluded that this was the worse thing that happened all day

that little animal doesn't know how much life those flowers bring me after a day like today

so i cut some more tulips, drank wine, ate food and felt love

good-bye today

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

poodles and grumpy carebears

I'm sure you've missed my antics.  I don't know where I have been the last few weeks, but it's apparently a place far from the blogosphere.

Anyways, there's not much to update on since, as soon as I think of something to say I forget all about it... or it's simply too personal to share and/or document.

I will leave you with this story:

Today I babysat two boys, as I do most Tuesdays.  I have been educating them pretty extensively on 80's cartoons via youtube over the last several months.  They are now familiar with Popples, Carebears and Fraggle Rock, to name a few.  While on a shopping outing to Target they apparently saw these, thought of me and of course, mom purchased them for me.  

Can it really get better than this?

These stickers resulted in the following confession made by Jen:

Jen: So last week when it snowed I was supposed to meet Liz in the morning to go running.  When I saw her I had on this awfully grumpy face, as anyone would have.  Liz laughed and I said, "Shut up, I'm Shelby today."

I'm pretty sure she meant to say "Shut up, I'm Grumpy Bear today."

Did I mention that the weather has me looking like a poodle, long over due for a grooming?

Well it does.

I said that I didn't have a lot to say but suddenly I do, so just stop reading if you get bored.  I won't know, so I won't be offended.

The weather today has me on an emotional roller coaster.  At moments I feel like Grumpy Bear and others like Sunshine Bear.  I think it may have something to do with the fact that I've had few opportunities to spill my emotional baggage onto other people as if they were my puke bucket, but have played the role of puke bucket several times over the last few days.

I cut myself these tulips in an attempt to cure myself.  It didn't work.  I still feel like Grumpy Bear.

I suddenly feel inspired to write a poem.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

delaying delays

my flight is delayed... mehhh...

I am mentally preparing myself for a free overnight hotel stay in Memphis, courtesy Delta Airlines.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

why did i not think of that sooner

So I went to a park this morning and was playing on my phone and discovered there was a YMCA nearby.  I called.  They said I could use their facility for free for fourteen days.  

What.  The.  Hell.

Why did I not think of this on Friday?  I mean seriously.

So today I went to two different YMCA's.  I went in the morning to the one by the park.  I attended some cardio something class.  It was nice.

A lot of really old people go to the YMCA mid morning.  More than I am comfortable with. 

Then I of course laid by the pool for a while.

Then I rode Adie's bike to the other YMCA, where I took Yoga class, ab/core class and a Boot Camp class. 

riding the bike back to adie's apartment
I returned very hungry so Adie and I went on a sushi hunt.  Sushi, mishu soup, wine, key lime cheesecake.  Delightful.

The lockers at the YMCA in Winter Park, FL are very fancy and they have tv's that play really depressing news that makes you think the world totally and completely sucks.  The lockers don't have televisions, the locker rooms do.  So while you're getting dressed you have something to do besides notice all of the naked ladies putting on their makeup.

Someone I know actually referred to the United States as a cesspool yesterday instead of a melting pot.  After seeing that news, I agree.

My next vacation will be two weeks long and I will start going to the nearest YMCA on day one.

Monday, April 11, 2011

l’esprit de escalier

This word should exist in the English language because it happens to me constantly.  constantly.  I mean so much that I have lost countless opportunities and have no idea how things would have turned out had I thought of things sooner.


Sunday, April 10, 2011

gogo internet on airplanes and living in caves

I failed to mention in the post about the man on the airplane the following conversation:

flight attendant: free internet will not be available on this flight

me: internet? on an airplane? what?!?!

mohammed: yes

me: since when? how does that work? what in the world, this is amazing!

mohammed: well, since you have been living in a cave many things have happened 

I then took out my ipod and sure enough internet access for $4.99 and it's called something like "gogo" internet.  So crazy.  I didn't want to pay $4.99 but I was tempted just so I could say I used the internets while flying in a plane.

day 3: flipper, sharks, manatees & alligator nuggets

Today I decided that I haven't had a very exciting life.  I came to this conclusion when I saw one of flipper's relatives swimming and jumping and flipping right next to my kayak.  We have a video but I don't feel like uploading it so I'll just post this one from youtube, which is pretty much what happened, except I was singing the flipper theme song and the dolphin jumped up over the kayak.  Then the little guy came up to the kayak and put his bottle nose under my hand. 

Then a whale came under our kayak and lifted us off the water and then let us gently back down and swam away and blew water out of it's blow hole and it hit Aunt Tracy in the face.

It was great to see Aunt Tracy.  She came down and met us at the beach. 

Then we saw a shark and a manatee.

Then we ate alligator nuggets.  

This has been an amazing vacation.

day 2: trivia & potential shark attacks & man eating plants

Despite the fact that Zachary had a bloody leg, he was not attacked by any sharks.  Pheeeewwww!

Before heading to the beach, Adie and I visited the flea market because that's just what this family does when we get together.  We go to flea markets, wherever we are, and look at old stuff and try on hats.  I bought some earrings made out of marbles.  Hopefully I do not lose them.

yet another way to eat a mango

And then we went to the beach, where I took no photos and do not want to publish the ones my cousin took.

Then, while driving home late at night we played trivia, of which at first I was not too excited about.  However, it ended up being quite entertaining.  Adie and I picked categories and Zachary made up questions.  Most of the time it was severely biased as he asked questions he knew Adrienne knew the answer to.  I caught on and started picking categories that Adrienne knew nothing about but neither did Zach so the questions were less than impressive.  Like for example the category about refugees resulted in this question:

"Who is the only person I know that knows anything about refugee resettlement?"

The greatest moment in the game was by far this moment:

Zach: Adie pick a category.
Adie: Literature
Zach: Ok
Me: bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... Edgar Allen Poe
Zach: hmmm, I'll accept that
Me: yesssssss!!!!! bahahahahaahhhaahah

(insert uproarious laughter here)

Adrienne felt it was unfair since he didn't even ask a question.  But Zach liked my answer so I got my points.

Here is a lesson on plants...
As tempting as it might be, DO NOT stick your finger in there.  This is a carnivourous plant and it will eat your finger right up.  I was this close (fingers together) to doing it myself even after I was told not to.  I believe this was some sort of Nepenthes.  They eat bugs and things of that nature. 

Friday, April 8, 2011

day 1 : sunshine & tying my shoes & why I drink

I had an epiphany today.  I don't drink on vacation.  Make your own conclusions.  A smart man also told me I should find something to do year round that makes me feel the same way the flower job does.  Agreed.

Anyways, I laid by the pool today.  It was soooo hot. and. awesome.

I applied sunscreen.

Adie and I also got some new glasses.  It's a new style.

And I also helped Adie pick out flowers for her porch.

And this welcome list is a little overwhelming but makes my heart smile.  And really, when you look at it, everything on it is amazing.  Well, I don't really know how I feel about WWE Allstars.  Adie said it's some wrestling game I have to play with Zach. 

And tomorrow... well, I'll let it speak for itself.  

I'm expecting an awesome run at some point tomorrow since I learned how to tie my shoes properly via (my new addiction).  Click the photo below to find out how to tie your shoes so as to not cut off blood circulation.  It will be the happiest moment of your life.  You will cry.

gupta, tumeric & a damn sexy nose

So I flew down to Florida yesterday after work for a much needed sun-filled vacation.  I met an interesting Indian man, who ironically reminded me of Gupta from Outsourced.  If you don't know who he is, you are seriously missing out on some incredible humor.  I want to marry him.

Like Gupta, my new friend Mohammed, did not stop talking from the second he realized he was sitting next to me on the plane, when he said, "Oh today is my lucky day!."  Except he was kind of more annoying than I would imagine Gupta to be. 

I could barely understand him so he had to repeat himself constantly.  I find this quite ironic as I am very used to speaking to non-native English speakers.

Here are some of the noteworthy things that were said to me during our 1 1/2 hour flight from Atlanta to Orlando.  Now realize that these sort of comments usually stun me and my responses are less than impressive so I have placed my "thoughts" in parenthesis. 

"You could move to Orlando and live with me for free."

(Ummm, ya and I would also probably have to bare your children)

"Your nose is very red.  Here is a tissue.  Blow.  You sound like a duck."

(A duck?  Is this guy for real?)

"You know, your nose is your most sexy feature."

(seriously? my raw, red, running nose?)

"Do you like to go fishing?  I have an extra pole at the house."

"Do you like to go horse back riding?  I can take you."

"Do you want to go out this weekend while you are in town?"

(no no no I just want to sit by a pool by myself and hang out with my cousin and go running)

"You have probably had a boyfriend, right?"

---- yes ----

"After a few months of dating if you said you were cold, he probably jumped to get you a sweater."

---- ya, right. ----

"As pretty as you are I imagine any man would simply do whatever you say."

--- not so much the reality I've experienced ---


He said a lot more but I can't really remember what it was right now.  

Oh, he gave me this recipe for my cold.  He said it works miracles.

yes, he wrote it on the back of his boarding pass so i would remember his name.  and yes, that is his phone number at the bottom of the remedy.
Have you ever asked for the flight attendants to get you anything?  By the end of the flight I think he had signaled them to get him something or take his trash about 7 times.  He also had this smelly cheese steak sandwich and fries that he brought on the plane and offered to share with me.  I declined.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

the polygamy scheme... a picturesque future

I know most of you spend your days wondering what life will be like in your mid-fifties, when the kids are grown and you still don't have any grandchildren.  I know I do.  A week or two ago I introduced you to Kathy, my mom's 'best' friend (do you have those at age 50?) and Emily, her daughter.  Please see the post about "Free Dating Services."  So anyways, Emily lives in Colorado and on occasion we picture text each other and update one another on interactions we have with our mothers (among other things).  Yesterday she had lunch with our mothers and provided me with some very blogworthy material.  Why I was not invited to this lunch is beyond me.  Enjoy.

Emily: Our mothers are currently discussing the perks of polygamy... together.  Good news, you wouldn't have to call her mama, just sister wife Kathy.

Emily: However, your mom keeps clarifying she will not be sleeping with Marty, she is in it for my mom, sister wife Kathy!

Emily: Meet our new mommies!  They claim they can't have their picture taken... cause they are polygamists (duh).

Me: Oh. my. god. can you please video tape this?
Emily: ha ha ha too late.


Unfortunately no video footage was taken, but I did get a little more information from my mother over dinner last night.  She claims it would be the perfect situation.  Her and Kathy could hang out all the time, work in the garden together and when they get tired of Marty just go do stuff without him.  This is an interesting alternative to their previous plan of moving in together when Marty dies.  I guess they figure if they become polygamists they can carry out their plans much sooner and don't have to wait for Marty to pass on.

Poor Marty.

Monday, April 4, 2011

perfect pillow covers & silly sister slumber PARTY

the pillow is perfect, just like me
sister spent the night and helped me with my pillow cover... i am in love with my pillow cover... it is the world's cutest pillow cover.. it only needs a pillow and a zipper... to be continued.

and here is evidence of her presence and the trips we took on our slumber party

someone needs a dentist and professional hairstylist


big heads = big brains



sky diving... yeah!

adventure parks


And there you have it.  All in one fun-filled night.  

The END.