Sunday, September 25, 2011

polar opposites... anniversaries

So this whole non-work situation and the fact that it is September, have put me in quite a reflective state.

During my 31 years of life I have discovered that life is confusing, strange, terrible and wonderful... among many other adjectives.

September is a weird month for me.  It's wrought with bittersweet anniversaries.  September always seems to approach and I inevitably ask myself if I'll ever forget that damn date and just simply let September pass as if it were May or July or some other ordinary month.  Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me for not forgetting.

But today I realized that sometimes even downright bad anniversaries can be remembered with sweetness.  Four years ago today I found out that some people I trusted and loved very much, had done some terribly hurtful things.  My heart was ripped into a million pieces in a matter of seconds.  

In the days, weeks, months and years to come, the amount of love that I received from the people in my life was a thousand times more than the amount of hatred and lack of love that was displayed in the actions of those "friends."  

I did not deserve their betrayal.

But I also have done nothing to deserve your love.

I never. ever. ever. want to feel that way again but at the same time, I'd give anything to go back to some of those moments where many of you extended your love in ways that I will cherish forever.

It's as if god saw what was happening and pained by the evil that had overwhelmed me, he decided to overwhelm me with love.

I can't figure out any other way to explain it.

With that said I want to thank you.  

Thank you for feeding me, clothing me, giving me a place to sleep, watching me, singing to me, sitting with me, listening, crying with me, embracing me, praying for me and never leaving my side.  Thank you for waking up in the middle of the night and giving me something for my splitting headache.  Thank you for the Ambien.  Thank you for the wine.  Thank you for your children.  Thank you for your patience and faithfulness.        

I do not deserve you.  I love you and hope that I can in some way reciprocate the love that you have given so generously to me.



 a spirit of heaviness

is. 61:3

I am grateful for the exchange.

And one of the reasons I like photos like this and seeing this happen in nature is because it reminds me of what can come from seemingly hopeless situations.

And it's also one of the many reasons I love my friend Alynn Guerra's artwork.

Monday, September 19, 2011

no more manic mondays

Today was glorious.

I woke up at six.

It was raining.

I did laundry.

I drank coffee.

I cut up tomatoes.

I read.

I went to yoga.

I walked to class.


Sometimes seemingly bad situations, can actually be good for us. 

Sometimes being forced into transition is better than comfort.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

little people with big hearts

Yesterday morning I was walking with some friends at a fundraising event I helped plan and coordinate.  Megan's daughter overheard our conversation about how I no longer have a job.  She's three going on four.  The following conversation got me to thinking about how much love I feel every day from so many friends and family.

Kirra: "Shelby, you don't have a job anymore?"
Me: "Nope. Today is my last day."
Kirra: "Why?"
Me:  "Because they didn't have enough money to pay me anymore."
Kirra: "Oh so you don't have money anymore."
Me: "Nope, I don't have money now."
Kirra: "And if you don't have any money then you don't have food!"
Me: "That's right.  Once the food runs out at my house I'll have to come over and rummage through your cupboards."
Kirra: "Shelby you can come to our house and eat our food.  We will cook it for you."
Me: "Thanks Kirra!"
Kirra: "And Shelby you can live with us as long as you need to."

Many other things have happened over the last several days that have been a reminder of how much love there is in my little world.

I have no complaints.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Extended Vacation Day 1: "you gotta love yourself"

Today I met up with some girls from one of my classes.  We are working on a community project.  We spent the afternoon walking through a neighborhood talking to its residents.  One lady in particular captured our hearts.  We spent the good part of an hour chatting with her.  She has lived in her home on that corner for 39 years, was married 47 years before her husband passed and raised 7 children.  She is 79 years old and one of the happiest ladies I have ever met.

Her advice to us, "Be happy with who you are.  You gotta love yourself or you're never gonna be happy."

I think I could sit on Miss Ella's porch all day.

I also had breakfast and a walk with a friend.

An early morning jog by the river and coffee with a friend.

An afternoon walk around the lake and good heart-felt talk with another friend.

I made homemade spaghetti sauce that I put cayenne pepper in because at first I thought I wanted to make salsa.  It's delicious but a little surprising.  It really made me wonder why I don't have men knocking on my door wanting to be my life partner.

some little girl stopped and gave me that flower on my walk

I also spilled nearly an entire container of raisins, which looked a lot like rabbit turds on the floor of my pantry.

And the day ended like this...
And everyone was content.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

the day has come... the antifungal cream mix up

I don't think I need to explain what just happened.  I think the picture can speak for itself.  Let's just say I've almost made this mistake on countless occasions and have wondered when I'd actually do it.

Friday, September 2, 2011

se pincho la llanta... beer & bus stops

The other day Alynn texted me.  She wanted to know if I'd join her on some group bike ride that starts at 9pm on Division and ends around 11pm at Founders.


About 20 minutes into the ride, several miles from downtown and after hitting several bumps, I realize my front tire had popped.

So we ditched the group and started walking back toward downtown.  Conveniently, we weren't too far from a bus stop and even more conveniently, the bus station is across the street from Founders.

Alynn decided that since we had a twenty minute wait at the bus stop we had better take care of the beers in her bag.

So we did.

We drank beer at the bus stop.

The bus came before I was able to finish mine.

And Alynn's bike is huge and heavy and we looked like a couple of clowns trying to put it on the bike rack.

This story is better told in person.

I imagine my mother is rolling her eyes and wondering what happened to her responsible daughter.

She left.