Saturday, January 22, 2011

falling and alleged copulation and drunkenness... [some lady]

I was out with some co-worker friends the other night, partaking in happy hour, when I received a text from some lady who claims to be my mother.  I no longer have the text, as I accidentally erased it and my mother claims to have lost it on her phone but here is what I can remember:

"Shelb, I hope you are not out having sex or getting drunk because I just fell down the stairs backwards while trying to move some furniture.  Your sister isn't answering the phone either and if I have to call an ambulance they won't even be able to get in here because there's stuff in front of the door.  So you need to call me pronto before I'm dead."

I discovered the text several minutes after she sent it.  Please don't think less of me but it made me laugh uncontrollably for a few minutes before I was able to text her back, all the while picturing her lying with her head towards the bottom of the stairs and trapped between the wall and some piece of furniture.  I was neither intoxicated nor... well, we all know I wasn't doing the latter.  

This is what I imagined:
So I called her, still laughing and asked if she was ok.  She of course thought I was drunk because I was laughing and we all know that I only laugh when intoxicated.  She also did not understand what was so funny.  Anyways, this text was affirmation that I need to document as many of the conversations that I have with my mother as possible.  A friend asked if we communicate outside of facebook because she finds our conversations so entertaining that she doesn't want to miss out on any of them.  Sorry, but yes, we do interact outside of facebook.  I'll try to document some of it, not only for your entertainment but also for my own.


  1. um seriously everyone is going to think i am horrid you should take that photo off. did you mention that i immediately texted you and apologized and said it was rude? no. did you mention that i was going to send a photo of my toe but it was ugly? no.

  2. oh geez. now can you delete the comment? i am such a loser. but thank you.

  3. listen lady, you are not a loser... and i would never even think that, seriously.