I would like to write this post in the form of a letter addressed to Herb & Sab(my parents), because let's be honest, this couldn't have happened without them.
Dear Mama and Daddy,
I know you're not together but I'm still going to write this joint letter. I'm not sure which address to send it to but I'll worry about that later.
Tonight at the gym I was walking rather slowly around the track, not even breaking a sweat. My back hurt so I wasn't running as usual. But that's beside the point. Anyways, mid stride some very tall giant-like man, possibly in his forties, strutting a weight lifting belt, which I believe was for the purpose of holding up his ginormous belly, asked if I would stop a second so he could tell me something. I figured maybe he thought he knew me from somewhere or something, so unassumingly I stopped and allowed him to continue.
And this is how it went,
giantmanbigbelt: "I HAVE to tell you something and you may be offended or think I'm totally out of line but I have to say it. You can hit me if you want."
me: "uuuhhhm, ok, let me get ready..." (putting up my hand as if to get ready to slap him across the face)
giantmanwithbigbelt: (pointing to his left cheek) "Right here."
I then gave him a look to indicate I was ready for him to continue.
giantmanwithbigbelt: "You are HOT."
me: "uhhmm uh, ok. thanks?? :/
giantmanwithbigbelt: "I just, you are, there is just something about you that's extremely attractive. You don't even need makeup. You are just naturally very beautiful."
me: "um, thank you."
giantmanwithbigbelt: "bla bla bla you are so beautiful and unique blabla bla."
me: "well, thank you. (awkward smile)"
giantmanwithbigbelt: "Now don't let your ego get too big now young lady!"
Now, you may be asking yourself, "Shelb why are you writing us a letter about this?" Well, I just thought I would let you know how thankful I am that about 32 years ago you held hands for a second, which lead to my birth. I mean if it weren't for the two of you, who would I thank for being so smoking hot?
Also, don't be alarmed if I start selling photos of myself to pay the bills. Don't worry I will be fully dressed.
I guess urban dictionary was right.
Anyways, I hope you both know how much I love you and appreciate you. I mean how else could this glowing ball of beautiful awesome exist if it weren't for you?
p.s. I have also been getting a fare amount of compliments about my butt and hips these days, so thanks for that too.