me: [picture sent]
me: what the heck!!! How long should nice sheets last?!? My 3 year old sheet just shredded into pieces when I put my foot into bed!
mama: Apparently they last three years. But yeah, that is messed up. I have had sheets that are over 20 years old and they never wear out.
me: ridiculous
mama: Maybe you should not file your toenails into razor sharp points.
mama: omg I am still @ work getti g ate alive I gotta go
_____________
a couple of days earlier...
mama: my gosh I think there is a good chance I have frozen to death
me: wow, you are the first dead person that has ever texted me.
mama: hellllooo? don't you think there is texting in heaven?
me: well, I didn't until now. it's like you didn't even die, this isn't as awful as i imagined it would be. can you also get rid of your stuff from up there?
mama: hmm in a study of 76 lemon wedges ordered in restaurants in drinks, they found 25 different microorganisms including e coli and fecal matter
mama: sure, there is Ebay in heaven as well.
mama: 25% of restroom soap dispensers are contaminated with fecal matter
mama: oh god, two thirds of shopping cart handles had fecal matter
mama: wtf is it with all this traveling shit???
me: i'm going to throw up
mama: well u should assume fecal matter to be somewhere in the vacinity of the toilet
me: people wipe their ass and don't wash their hands and they always use their gross nasty fingers to grab your lemon slice instead of the pinchers
mama: i am never leaving my house again
me: ya right
mama: i just played a game on the aarp website
me: was everything magnified?
mama: now that I think of it, it was pretty large print. OMG!
me: go back to playing bingo granny
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