Friday, July 1, 2011

tearing up the sheets, lemon wedges and fecal matter

I don't really have anything interesting to say so I'll share a texting conversation I had with my mother the other day.

me: [picture sent]

me: what the heck!!! How long should nice sheets last?!? My 3 year old sheet just shredded into pieces when I put my foot into bed!

mama: Apparently they last three years. But yeah, that is messed up.  I have had sheets that are over 20 years old and they never wear out.

me: ridiculous

mama: Maybe you should not file your toenails into razor sharp points.

mama: omg I am still @ work getti g ate alive I gotta go

a couple of days earlier...

mama: my gosh I think there is a good chance I have frozen to death

me: wow, you are the first dead person that has ever texted me.

mama: hellllooo?  don't you think there is texting in heaven?

me: well, I didn't until now.  it's like you didn't even die, this isn't as awful as i imagined it would be.  can you also get rid of your stuff from up there?

mama: hmm in a study of 76 lemon wedges ordered in restaurants in drinks, they found 25 different microorganisms including e coli and fecal matter

mama: sure, there is Ebay in heaven as well.

mama: 25% of restroom soap dispensers are contaminated with fecal matter

mama: oh god, two thirds of shopping cart handles had fecal matter

mama: wtf is it with all this traveling shit???

me: i'm going to throw up

mama: well u should assume fecal matter to be somewhere in the vacinity of the toilet

me: people wipe their ass and don't wash their hands and they always use their gross nasty fingers to grab your lemon slice instead of the pinchers

mama: i am never leaving my house again

me: ya right

mama: i just played a game on the aarp website

me: was everything magnified?

mama: now that I think of it, it was pretty large print.  OMG!

me: go back to playing bingo granny

No comments:

Post a Comment